It’s Tuesday, January 28th, 10:30am.
We are about 40 hours since learning about the helicopter crash that took basketball legend Kobe Bryant, his daughter Gigi, John, Kerri, and Alyssa Altobelli, Sarah and Payton Chester, Christina Mauser, and Pilot Ara Zobayan. What we are left with is the terrible images and the overwhelming national grief. On Sunday I compared it to how it felt to lose Roberto Clemente, and I’ll add to that the loss of Payne Stewart. Athletes in life, legends in death, and they all remind us of our own personal grief for a few good reasons.
Grief is the emotion we can all understand. We have either been touched by it in the loss of a loved one, seen its ravages on someone we care deeply for, or as humans we can project ourselves into it by imagining the hurt and what it must feel like.
Three things conspire to take us down when we grieve. Desperation, Heartache, Loneliness.
Grief has levels.
I remember very vividly how it felt in high school, when I had a eventual Section Champion wrestler on his back, with a one point lead and the clock ticking in my favor late in the third period. I had already imagined what a stunning upset this was going to be. Then, the cradle I had him in slipped, he reversed me and had me on my back. The clock, no longer my bestie, buzzed to end the match, and my season. It was devastating and I felt like I’d never recover. There is no way anyone could understand the depth of my sorrow. I was wrong.
I would since then experience grief on all levels. I have lost a child, a parent, a friend, an athlete I coached, and my wife Ellen.
I’d like to go back and have a talk with that kid sobbing in the locker room in Burrell High School, but what he was feeling was real, and part of the progression of life. Grief is proof of life... that we had it so good, and that it can be taken away, but WE HAD IT SO GOOD…
Victory is the opposite of grief. Victory gives us three things in our moment of triumph. Elation, Pride, Togetherness.
Roberto doffs his cap on second base, just after his 3,000th and last Major League hit. Months later he would be taken for us. Pittsburgh and Puerto Rico would mourn,
Victory can be felt in our own moments of glory, or when someone we love succeeds, or even when we watch someone we don’t know achieve something great. When the Penguins won their first Stanley Cup, I cried real tears of joy, as did many who suffered through the dark times here in Pittsburgh. The dark times when we had it so bad, now replaced by victory.
We see grief in the faces of Kobe’s friends, teammates, contemporaries, and fans. We see the desperation and heartache in those closest to him, and the loneliness that death can bring. For us who have admired Mamba from afar, it’s a reminder of our own grief and it can threaten to bring us down.
Let’s try and remember how many times Clemente, Stewart, and Kobe gave us the opposite of grief... victory.
Elation, Pride, and Togetherness.
And when possible, lets experience our own victories, big and small.,
Elation over Desperation.
Pride over Heartache.
Togetherness over Loneliness.
Victory over Grief.
